i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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