Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
