This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't turn off my feet"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
