The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
