clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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