I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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