so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I could make wine with my vomit
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
