o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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