I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
