Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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