And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
