Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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