What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
