I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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