I'm drive I can fine osifer
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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