I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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