Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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