He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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