if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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