Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
