Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
