Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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