it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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