Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
