I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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