What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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