I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
