I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are we still banned from the library?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
