So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
