you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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