Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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