i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
