I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My pussy is not your playground.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize