Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
