Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
