I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize