Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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