I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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