We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
