His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
