was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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