Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
