You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
