Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
