Me. At least after what I've been through.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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