dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize