your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
