Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
