found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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