Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
