Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
