i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize