Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
