As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
