My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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