It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
