the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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