Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
