Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize