Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
