Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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