Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
