Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
