And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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