i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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