I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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