fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
