I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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