Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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