I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
